You never know another person's thoughts. You make quick assumptions based on their looks and speech and maybe if they're crawling on the ground or breaking though your front door or drooling on their shirt. But can we really know other people's minds? I hardly even know my own.
Today after running I met a man who shared his mind and I wished hadn't.
I'd just finished a long run, now doing some stretches on the metal bars on Riverside Drive. A young mother was playing with her son, doing jumping jacks. And by the shower was this weird looking fellow, dressed in all red. Red shoes, red shirt, red shorts. He had white socks.
He walked up to me while the woman was doing her jumping jacks and whispered, "I sure like how Mommy's doing her jumping jacks."
And this red-clad creep made me run for the car. Ughhhhhh,
So yeah, can we know the minds of others? Perhaps yes, perhaps no, and perhaps I just don't want to know.
The run was great, though, with me settling into an early rhythm and thinking my crazy thoughts. I vowed to myself that if I could finish this marathon, I would someday walk the entire Pacific Coast, from Mexico to Canada. And I mean to do it, too.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
August 21 (3.2 miles)
Somehow I've managed a feat that defies imagination, expectation, and decent common sense. I've somehow managed to straddle the line between laziness and extreme exertion. How, you might ask?
It's a weird thing, really. After a long run, a feeling of premature accomplishment sets in. You pat yourself on the back, you remind yourself how great you're doing. And this process somehow robs you of your motivation. After my 7 mile run last weekend, I shrugged off the next few days obligations of my running schedule. Oh, I'm doing fine, I tell myself. I'm right where I need to be. And you see how I arrived here; in the midst of marathon training, I somehow manage feats of laziness and inaction. So funny, and so true to the constant contradictions of my life. Nothing can be simple, it seems.
So today when I ran my 3 miles, all the shrugging off of my running duty came back to haunt me in panting gasps and drips of sweat soaking through my shirt. These three miles felt like the most difficult since the first week of training. Amazing to me how quickly my body can revert back to its flaccid blank emptiness. They say our bodies have "muscle memory;" your body remembers the great condition it was in before and the next time, it's easier to return there. Well I guess my body has "couch potato memory." My body can remember its former complacence and will slip back there any chance it gets. I suppose I better not fall off the wagon again.
Today I tried a new stretch as well. The sides of my kneecaps had been sore and I'd been advised it was my TB band, or something similar. So I stretched that little TB band, doing a stretch that makes it look like I'm thrusting my ass outwards in an effort to garner some looks, whistles or compliments. None yet though.
It's a weird thing, really. After a long run, a feeling of premature accomplishment sets in. You pat yourself on the back, you remind yourself how great you're doing. And this process somehow robs you of your motivation. After my 7 mile run last weekend, I shrugged off the next few days obligations of my running schedule. Oh, I'm doing fine, I tell myself. I'm right where I need to be. And you see how I arrived here; in the midst of marathon training, I somehow manage feats of laziness and inaction. So funny, and so true to the constant contradictions of my life. Nothing can be simple, it seems.
So today when I ran my 3 miles, all the shrugging off of my running duty came back to haunt me in panting gasps and drips of sweat soaking through my shirt. These three miles felt like the most difficult since the first week of training. Amazing to me how quickly my body can revert back to its flaccid blank emptiness. They say our bodies have "muscle memory;" your body remembers the great condition it was in before and the next time, it's easier to return there. Well I guess my body has "couch potato memory." My body can remember its former complacence and will slip back there any chance it gets. I suppose I better not fall off the wagon again.
Today I tried a new stretch as well. The sides of my kneecaps had been sore and I'd been advised it was my TB band, or something similar. So I stretched that little TB band, doing a stretch that makes it look like I'm thrusting my ass outwards in an effort to garner some looks, whistles or compliments. None yet though.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
August 16 (7.2 miles)
Today ended a several day drought during which I conjured every possible excuse to avoid lacing up my running shoes and dipping my toes back into that reservoir of pain I call my running schedule. Oh, I had handfuls of excuses and plenty to justify my absence from the trail, but most of it apocryphal or delusional. The honest truth is that I could've easily pushed through the pain and sweat out the hangover, but I just didn't.
Well, that came to an end today. I felt the beer and whiskey of the previous several days coming back to haunt me. But I fought through it and bounced back all the stronger. Had to start the day with a triple-espresso, though. I find that coffee gives courage. I knew I would be in pain, but somehow that bitter black caffeinated bit of joy made me buck up and stiffened my spine. I wonder if soldiers in battle drink espresso before jumping out of the trenches.
Which reminds me of something. I recall only a few years ago never even having run a full mile without stopping. My attitude then seemed fairly simple; why in the hell would I ever want to run? I'll run if somebody's chasing after me.
But later I learned the joy of endorphins. Ah yes, the sweet sweet biochemistry of our human form. We put ourselves through pain that our bodies might tap into their innate pain-relief reservoirs. You feel the sweet numb rush, the release of all stress and worry and desire. You push through the pain that inevitably wells up, and the body has its mechanisms to push back.
But I return to the soldier in his trench. His is an involuntary release and a constant one. Whatever pain relief might be won through a hard run between trenches is inevitably counteracted by the stress chemicals flooding the brain due to constant fear of death and bombardment. I have no such worries, thankfully. I wonder if such chemicals might be useful in achieving heretofore unknown speeds and stride. I did once run by a vicious dog, and he growled, and my pace did pick up a bit. No pun intended. But the dog was not explosive, nor holding a grenade or improvised explosive device, or even a rough bludgeoning tool. He did have knives though, the kind we find attached to the ends of a dog's incisors. I wonder if there might be a correlation between the size of a dog's teeth, and the increase in speed by a passing-by runner. I imagine there is a very direct relationship.
Today while running I did see some curious life forms along the trail, but certainly nothing threatening. Near the Congress avenue bridge, the trails juts a bit south and runs along Riverside, all because a few apartment complexes and businesses bought the lakeside land along a quite scenic bluff. One of these businesses happens to be Joe's Crab Shack.
Joe's Crab Shack always seemed to me like the waiting area for a roller coaster at a theme park. You know, the fake wood, the scrawled handwritten signs, the weathered siding on the building, all carefully placed just so, providing the feel of an old "crab shack," presumably owned by a guy named Joe. It is a soulless affair and fully worth ignoring. Today, though, I ran by and saw a flock of about 20 or so ducks marching across the parking lot, plodding their way towards the lake from a nearby creek. And the juxtaposition struck me and filled me with joy. It was an incongruity that resonated with the string of my heart and reminded me that, in nature, shit lives alongside beauty, and it's all fleeting anyway. And that's the dance of life. Imagine --> possibly the most soulless place in Austin - the oil-stained stretch of cracked concrete fronting a fabricated, soul-less corporate sham of a restaurant. And an image of simple beauty dances across this barren landscape.
Perhaps life is like this. The beauty and the shit are inseparable, and to receive life's glory, we have to sort through its refuse.
Just make sure to wash your hands.
Well, that came to an end today. I felt the beer and whiskey of the previous several days coming back to haunt me. But I fought through it and bounced back all the stronger. Had to start the day with a triple-espresso, though. I find that coffee gives courage. I knew I would be in pain, but somehow that bitter black caffeinated bit of joy made me buck up and stiffened my spine. I wonder if soldiers in battle drink espresso before jumping out of the trenches.
Which reminds me of something. I recall only a few years ago never even having run a full mile without stopping. My attitude then seemed fairly simple; why in the hell would I ever want to run? I'll run if somebody's chasing after me.
But later I learned the joy of endorphins. Ah yes, the sweet sweet biochemistry of our human form. We put ourselves through pain that our bodies might tap into their innate pain-relief reservoirs. You feel the sweet numb rush, the release of all stress and worry and desire. You push through the pain that inevitably wells up, and the body has its mechanisms to push back.
But I return to the soldier in his trench. His is an involuntary release and a constant one. Whatever pain relief might be won through a hard run between trenches is inevitably counteracted by the stress chemicals flooding the brain due to constant fear of death and bombardment. I have no such worries, thankfully. I wonder if such chemicals might be useful in achieving heretofore unknown speeds and stride. I did once run by a vicious dog, and he growled, and my pace did pick up a bit. No pun intended. But the dog was not explosive, nor holding a grenade or improvised explosive device, or even a rough bludgeoning tool. He did have knives though, the kind we find attached to the ends of a dog's incisors. I wonder if there might be a correlation between the size of a dog's teeth, and the increase in speed by a passing-by runner. I imagine there is a very direct relationship.
Today while running I did see some curious life forms along the trail, but certainly nothing threatening. Near the Congress avenue bridge, the trails juts a bit south and runs along Riverside, all because a few apartment complexes and businesses bought the lakeside land along a quite scenic bluff. One of these businesses happens to be Joe's Crab Shack.
Joe's Crab Shack always seemed to me like the waiting area for a roller coaster at a theme park. You know, the fake wood, the scrawled handwritten signs, the weathered siding on the building, all carefully placed just so, providing the feel of an old "crab shack," presumably owned by a guy named Joe. It is a soulless affair and fully worth ignoring. Today, though, I ran by and saw a flock of about 20 or so ducks marching across the parking lot, plodding their way towards the lake from a nearby creek. And the juxtaposition struck me and filled me with joy. It was an incongruity that resonated with the string of my heart and reminded me that, in nature, shit lives alongside beauty, and it's all fleeting anyway. And that's the dance of life. Imagine --> possibly the most soulless place in Austin - the oil-stained stretch of cracked concrete fronting a fabricated, soul-less corporate sham of a restaurant. And an image of simple beauty dances across this barren landscape.
Perhaps life is like this. The beauty and the shit are inseparable, and to receive life's glory, we have to sort through its refuse.
Just make sure to wash your hands.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
August 11 (3.1 miles)
The smell coming off my body today seemed to attract the attention of several dogs along the trail. Perhaps time for a deep scrub cleansing, or something of the sort.
Not to focus too intently on the smells and sweat of this whole endeavor (seems half my writing is devoted to the subject), but it certainly becomes the most salient concern after a short period. We live in a antiseptic, white-washed, fluorescent-bulbed, scrubbed clean happy smile world, and I've never much fit into that. Not that I didn't want to, you see; it's just every time I would get a toothbrush near my mouth, some hidden force would make me throw down the toothbrush and slap myself on the cheek. Perhaps hygiene is not in my DNA.
On an unrelated note, I have noticed something disturbing, and slightly gross. You are now forewarned.
It almost seems perfect -- a sweaty, panting woman seems the height of sexual arousement, doesn't it? Well, perhpas in the abstract. When I am on the trail, seeing an endless stream of bouncing, grunting woman, I don't think about sex. It looks to me like they are each farting, squeezing out painful gas, battling their intestines, perhaps even shitting in their pants. It seriously grosses me out.
Not to focus too intently on the smells and sweat of this whole endeavor (seems half my writing is devoted to the subject), but it certainly becomes the most salient concern after a short period. We live in a antiseptic, white-washed, fluorescent-bulbed, scrubbed clean happy smile world, and I've never much fit into that. Not that I didn't want to, you see; it's just every time I would get a toothbrush near my mouth, some hidden force would make me throw down the toothbrush and slap myself on the cheek. Perhaps hygiene is not in my DNA.
On an unrelated note, I have noticed something disturbing, and slightly gross. You are now forewarned.
It almost seems perfect -- a sweaty, panting woman seems the height of sexual arousement, doesn't it? Well, perhpas in the abstract. When I am on the trail, seeing an endless stream of bouncing, grunting woman, I don't think about sex. It looks to me like they are each farting, squeezing out painful gas, battling their intestines, perhaps even shitting in their pants. It seriously grosses me out.
Monday, August 10, 2009
August 8 (6 miles)
Settling into the full weight of 26.2 miles must not be easy. Your body starts cursing at you using every dirty word it knows. Your head screams. Your legs twitch like caffeinated cockroaches.
Such thoughts danced around my head today. We raised the bar again, to 6 miles, but with each incremental increase comes the "oh shit" moment. As in, "oh shit, this is going to be a long long freaking run."
Michael and I did our six miles around the east side of Lady Bird Lake. It's funny -- Austin touts the hike and bike trail as its jewel and centerpiece, but if you head east from congress, you end up running along a very busy road, quite far from the lake, and crossing over I-35. It's noisy, polluted, and somewhat sketchy. You have to run across the highway on-ramp.
On the other side, it's all pretty tranquil once you rejoin the trail. We watched the sun set over the lake and the city's warm glow almost made us forget the throbbing pain in our legs. On second thought, the sunset's red splash across the rippling water actually reminded me of blood. A bad omen perhaps? No, more just a reminder of my pounding heart.
Such thoughts danced around my head today. We raised the bar again, to 6 miles, but with each incremental increase comes the "oh shit" moment. As in, "oh shit, this is going to be a long long freaking run."
Michael and I did our six miles around the east side of Lady Bird Lake. It's funny -- Austin touts the hike and bike trail as its jewel and centerpiece, but if you head east from congress, you end up running along a very busy road, quite far from the lake, and crossing over I-35. It's noisy, polluted, and somewhat sketchy. You have to run across the highway on-ramp.
On the other side, it's all pretty tranquil once you rejoin the trail. We watched the sun set over the lake and the city's warm glow almost made us forget the throbbing pain in our legs. On second thought, the sunset's red splash across the rippling water actually reminded me of blood. A bad omen perhaps? No, more just a reminder of my pounding heart.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
August 4 (3.1 miles)
My dog Townes nudged me awake this morning and we locked eyes. "Let's do this, " he seemed to say to me. Wasn't sure what "this" was, though; I took him outside, fed him some food, cuddled a bit. But his eyes still met mine with that determined glare that says, "You dumb ass, I said let's do this." So I took him on my scheduled run.
It's always a sensitive issue when you're on the trail and your dog decides it's time to defecate. The stares are heavy, silent, and disapproving. I feel like yelling at these gawkers, "O.K., so he's not potty trained yet." Seriously people.
I usually bring a bag to pick up his refuse, but sometimes I forget. This morning would be one of those times.
Once Townes goes into that "mode," there's no turning back. At this point, I can quickly flee the scene and not look back; I could cover the offending pile with sticks and dirt; or I could nudge it the the side of the trail with my shoe. Inexplicably, today I chose the latter. To the disgusted fascination of many runners-by, I pushed the pile out of harm's way. Of course, any fool could've predicated at least a quarter of the pile would end up on your shoe from such a method. And this indeed happened here. I dragged my foot along the ground, hoping to scrape off the offending smear. The smear stayed and simply accumulated mass, a whole mess of grass and dirt and rocks now attached to it. I started stamping my foot on the ground, and the splotch broke up and kind of sprayed into the air. Pretty sure some of the debris landed on an old guy's leg.
And at this point, I adopted my first dog shit strategy -- quickly flee the scene and don't look back.
I wonder of hte laws of karma apply to dog shit as well. If they do, I might be in trouble.
It's always a sensitive issue when you're on the trail and your dog decides it's time to defecate. The stares are heavy, silent, and disapproving. I feel like yelling at these gawkers, "O.K., so he's not potty trained yet." Seriously people.
I usually bring a bag to pick up his refuse, but sometimes I forget. This morning would be one of those times.
Once Townes goes into that "mode," there's no turning back. At this point, I can quickly flee the scene and not look back; I could cover the offending pile with sticks and dirt; or I could nudge it the the side of the trail with my shoe. Inexplicably, today I chose the latter. To the disgusted fascination of many runners-by, I pushed the pile out of harm's way. Of course, any fool could've predicated at least a quarter of the pile would end up on your shoe from such a method. And this indeed happened here. I dragged my foot along the ground, hoping to scrape off the offending smear. The smear stayed and simply accumulated mass, a whole mess of grass and dirt and rocks now attached to it. I started stamping my foot on the ground, and the splotch broke up and kind of sprayed into the air. Pretty sure some of the debris landed on an old guy's leg.
And at this point, I adopted my first dog shit strategy -- quickly flee the scene and don't look back.
I wonder of hte laws of karma apply to dog shit as well. If they do, I might be in trouble.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
August 2 (5.1 miles)
Clouds might prove a bad omen for most folks, but for a runner they're a godsend. And if we're getting specific about it, not sure which god is the god of clouds. I know Thor is the god of thunder/lightning/flowing blonde hair, so we'll just give a great big "Wuzzup" to Thor. And, dear Thor, may my locks always be flowing and golden.
A little cloud cover allows you to run longer with less strain. You sprint, you soar, your stride perfect, your breath easy and constant. You feel like Nike, the Greek god of running shoes.
But I ran into another little problem today. Seems I have no white shirts. And those dark shirts absorb whatever sunlight is out there, amplify it, and crank your chest to a medium broil. After a good run in a dark shirt, I could cook eggs on my sternum.
Like today -- I wore a dark green shirt and the damn thing looked like a dirty sponge. I suppose it smelled like one too.
And then the lightbulb above my head kind of dimly lit up and I felt a flash of dazed inspiration. A sponge t-shirt! It could be super lightweight, super absorbant, and stitched together from old sponges. When you take a bath, you could put all your dishes in the tub with you, don the sponge t-shirt, and roll around on all the dishes. Like killing two birds with one sponge.
I imagine before I can find an investor, I'll need to make a prototype. Too bad I don't really wash my dishes. More just a little rinse and the old sniff test. Sometimes I might scrape something off the plate with my fingernails.
In other words, not many sponges around the house. Ah well. I just about a retirement home that discontinued its sponge bath program. Perhaps I can ask them for their leftovers.
All this crazed inspiration from only 5.1 miles. Can't wait to see what I'm imagining after 26.1. Probably an interdimensional running shoe that allows you to jog alongside dolphins. Yikes.
A little cloud cover allows you to run longer with less strain. You sprint, you soar, your stride perfect, your breath easy and constant. You feel like Nike, the Greek god of running shoes.
But I ran into another little problem today. Seems I have no white shirts. And those dark shirts absorb whatever sunlight is out there, amplify it, and crank your chest to a medium broil. After a good run in a dark shirt, I could cook eggs on my sternum.
Like today -- I wore a dark green shirt and the damn thing looked like a dirty sponge. I suppose it smelled like one too.
And then the lightbulb above my head kind of dimly lit up and I felt a flash of dazed inspiration. A sponge t-shirt! It could be super lightweight, super absorbant, and stitched together from old sponges. When you take a bath, you could put all your dishes in the tub with you, don the sponge t-shirt, and roll around on all the dishes. Like killing two birds with one sponge.
I imagine before I can find an investor, I'll need to make a prototype. Too bad I don't really wash my dishes. More just a little rinse and the old sniff test. Sometimes I might scrape something off the plate with my fingernails.
In other words, not many sponges around the house. Ah well. I just about a retirement home that discontinued its sponge bath program. Perhaps I can ask them for their leftovers.
All this crazed inspiration from only 5.1 miles. Can't wait to see what I'm imagining after 26.1. Probably an interdimensional running shoe that allows you to jog alongside dolphins. Yikes.
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